Business Banter Buddy Pillows

"Remind me again—what do I usually promise you so you'll take on extra work?"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"I think it stopped breathing."

Peach flirting with a banana.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Office temperature.

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Oh, for God's sake. It's just Marketing!"

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!