Burnt Food Fixer Pillows

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

'My hero!'

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

A woman repairs a broken heart.

Misread tsp as tbsp.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Cyber disease.

First Responders - Second Responders.

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

Hospital. Emergency. Closed. I'm bleeding and the E.R. is closed, What should I do? Just go home? Suture self!

'It's our last resort.'

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

Clockdown

'When you're done fixing the furnace, could you gather up these Demons From Hell that escaped?'

'I think the 'burn and serve' rolls are done.'

Cardiology

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Despite being dumped by his girlfriend on Christmas Eve, Norman still found a way to pull the crackers despite her absence.

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

'Better lay an extra place for the fireman, dear!'

'It says right here in the ingredients, 'this product contains no yucky stuff'.'