Burnt Cuisine Survivors Gifts

'On second thoughts I think I'll have salad.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Barbeque Casualty.

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'My hero!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'I think the 'burn and serve' rolls are done.'

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

Murphy's Slaw.

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'