Burger Skeptic Gifts

'You know the king on that burger commercial? I find him very disturbing.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

Menu Dating

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

With-it Woman

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

'Hi Mr Miller, this is the employee opinion poll. Here's the question: 'Do you love your job, your boss and the company?' For answer A, 'Yes, I do and I want to do much more unpaid overtime', please press 1. For answer B, 'No, I don't and you can fire me'

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

Corporate urban legends

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

'Attention - we're combining our anti-viral and anti-bacterial placebo divisions immediately.'

The Ekert Saga: '...without pettiness, feah and greed, we wouldn't need lawyahs, news media or even a government...and megaconglomecorp owns and operates all of it...and, no, I don't know how you apply fah a job theah.'

Financial Christmas

"Hal, your 'live for today' philosophy just doesn't cut it at business planning meetings."