Bureaucratic Commentator Gifts

Smoke and mirrors.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'The government is telling us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets within the next 6 months!'

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"Yeah, but no progress in meeting..."

'All ninteen layers of management agree: We have to cut some of our frontline employees if we're to stay competitive.'

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"We appreciate your insights Norman but the firm has reached the stage where we need actual ideas."

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

'So, you're a little Hitler? You're hired.'

"Hello, department of pointless endeavors and redundant futility."

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

Excessive Paperwork

God's Office.

It's Not How Long It Takes, It's How Big It Is

"There's talk of a merger with London Zoo."

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

'What I like most about the new boss is that you always know EXACTLY where you stand with him!'

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give someone the correct tax code.

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'