Bunker Innovator Gifts

Like Obama, But White

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

Bird Bath.

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

God in the bunker.

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

'Well, when can I have my bike back?'

"Someday this is gonna be a sick bike path."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

Safe harbour

"Here's a good one for you. Just four words; bear proof garbage cans."

"I hate sand traps."

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

'I'm a bit worried about young Frogthorpe. He's studying intellectual property law on his lunch break.'

'With the proper technology, we could make silicon chips out of this stuff.'

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

"Well, that's the last of it, which means we just ate thirty years' worth of food in two weeks."

'Evidence is that increased extreme weather is due to climate change.'

It is important that the aspiring golfer learns the meaning of certain golfing terms, so that he can understand what his fellow sportsmen are saying to him.

"This will be your office. There's a flashlight and whistle if you need to attract attention."

'I am preparing for 2013, and I suggest you do the same.'

"Gerald. . . you need to stop stockpiling food!"

'Bunker? It should be called a trench because that's where the real war starts!'

Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. In my day, we built bunkers ten feet underground and stocked them with tuna fish. We planned to sit out the apocalypse down there, eating tuna on crackers and playing Scrabble. Tomorrow, our quest continues ...

"O.K., doomer."

"I'll stick to my survivalist bunker."