Budget-minded Romantic Pillows

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Say it with flowers

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Dating in 2020

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'All I said was,two could live as cheaply as one until you gave up dieting.'

Low income vampires.

Affordable housing

Valentine's day skinflint.

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

"You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a good time?"

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

The cost of Halloween.

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I'm not trying to be romantic. I've had my electricity cut off.'

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

'This second prescription is to calm you down after you see the cost of the first one.'

Fresh skinless and boneless chicken

'Cecil takes me to the museum every Saturday.' - 'What's he studying, economy?'

When Tia Carmen says... "I bought Christmas gifts for all your cousins!" it means...she did her shopping at the dollar store.

First dates are the worst. You get all dolled up - and for what?

£17 for a haircut? No, £2 for a haircut and £15 for search fees.