Budget-minded Romantic Pillows

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Say it with flowers

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Dating in 2020

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"I'd like an engagement ring that proclaims my uncompromising love - for under fifty bucks."

'All I said was,two could live as cheaply as one until you gave up dieting.'

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

Affordable housing

Low income vampires.

"I'd like an engagement ring that declares my uncompromising love...for under fifty bucks."

Valentine's day skinflint.

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

"You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a good time?"

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

The cost of Halloween.

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

'I'm not trying to be romantic. I've had my electricity cut off.'

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

'This second prescription is to calm you down after you see the cost of the first one.'

First dates are the worst. You get all dolled up - and for what?

£17 for a haircut? No, £2 for a haircut and £15 for search fees.

When Tia Carmen says... "I bought Christmas gifts for all your cousins!" it means...she did her shopping at the dollar store.

'Cecil takes me to the museum every Saturday.' - 'What's he studying, economy?'