Budget Health Navigator Pillows

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

Bad for you but to die for

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Adam and Eve - Food scares

Shrink

'You're allergic to feathers.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

Woman and scales.

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'Have you been eating right?'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"What do you have that's rich in antioxidants?"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

Easy to follow diet plan.