Budget Health Navigator Pillows

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

Bad for you but to die for

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

Adam and Eve - Food scares

Shrink

'You're allergic to feathers.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

Woman and scales.

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'Have you been eating right?'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"What do you have that's rich in antioxidants?"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

G.P.S. for Poor Math Students

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

"This is my final offer: you get 18% and a kind word on Yelp."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"