Health Risk Navigator Pillows

"Does anyone know CPR?"

Bad for you but to die for

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Adam and Eve - Food scares

Shrink

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Woman and scales.

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

Risk Management - ''Be careful' All you can tell me is 'be careful''

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

Covid-19 vaccine - locally-sourced $50 /shot

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I raised three kids, so you could say I was in risk management."

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

Next year will be a good time to buy tech stocks. The tip of the iceberg.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"