Budget Announcement Gifts

CONGRESS, 'It's frustrating -- you vote to spend trillions and trillions of dollars and nobody appreciates it!'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"Who's got the hammer?"

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'