Brouhaha Instigator Gifts

'Do you realize that you and i have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

New Swiss Army Knife

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

Liquidity Lunch

Stock market books.

'You've had enough!'

"This is a 'warts and all' biography with some really great warts."

'Them's fightin' tweets!'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"He couldn't sink that last putt, so now he's trying to drown it."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

"C'mon, man, we're gonna need you to find that or...things might not workout with you."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Do you believe we return in another form when our time is through?'

"I won't suffer fools gladly. Yourself excepted, of course."

'Did you see iPlayer last night?'

"No, this isn't the liquor talking But I am a spokesperson for the liquor."

'You've had enough, you face looks blurred.'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"Hey, bartender, spill another beer in front of me, will ya?"

"Wine improves with age."

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

How Cartoonists Get Ideas

You're a smooth talker, but you have no lips. Sadly, you have the gift of gab, but not the gift of gob. Bar.

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

"… then I found a million cash in my desk drawer. I can't tell you what a boost that was."

"Next month's book choice is Violet's - and I speak for everyone when I dread to say what I think it might be!"

I've found that today's information is like fish and guests; it stinks after 3 days.

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

My Big, Fat, Tipsy Gelding . . .

'I'm not asking you for a rough estimate. I want an exact number.'