Broken Engagement Gifts

'Didn't you get my e-mail'

'Yes, I did break my engagement. How did you know?'

'Finally, I asked myself, how could I marry a man who got out of the stock market to years ago.'

'She gave me my ring back with one hand and back-handed me with the other.'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

The prying mantis,

"I can't believe he brought her."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

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"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'