Broadband Buff Gifts

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

"I need a slower internet connection."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Digital Divide

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Homo Zapiens

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Tunnel of TV

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

I've always been slower than computers...

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Presenter Auditions.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

"Welcome to 'All About the Media,' where members of the media discuss the role of the media in media coverage of the media."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'