Broadband Buff Gifts

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

"I need a slower internet connection."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Digital Divide

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Tunnel of TV

Homo Zapiens

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

I've always been slower than computers...

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

Presenter Auditions.

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'