British Banter Pillows

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"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Here was proof that Lawrence was indeed an Englishman."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

John Cleese.

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Heart To Heart

Watch overhead if you want to improve product delivery. Bridge financing could figure.

"'Cheers'? 'Lorry'? 'Jumper'? You can talk, boy? And you're British??"

'Here comes Ted.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

A virtue of vicars

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

'That's Cat from Eastenders.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

Rowan Atkinson.

Kenneth Williams

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

"Looks like beach weather."

"I know you didn't order meatballs. That's the gravy."

Ant and Dec.

He instantly realised that the snake he had stumbled upon wasn't the ordinary, nonvenomous python but the feared Monty Python. However, impervious to British humor, Walter walked away unscathed.

Ricky Gervais.

"I told you all that silly-walking could get your leg stuck like that!"

No, I'm not getting you a beer while I'm up.

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."