Banter Pillows

"Hey, nice body! Not you, the car! ... That's what she said! ... Oh, yeah? Ask me about your wife!"

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"Your hair is a mess, your make-up is smudged, your clothes are all sweaty...."

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. Big whoop. What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop

No, I'm not getting you a beer while I'm up.

"Haven't your eyes gotten tired of reading after 150 years..."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Peach flirting with a banana.

"I think it stopped breathing."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!