Bris Ceremony Gifts

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

Zumma Cum Laude

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

Online marriage ceremony.

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

GLAD-YOU-ATION

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."

Future site of Que Sera Sera.

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'Will you hold it down? This is IMPORTANT!'

Oscars