Bridal Brigade Pillows

The Happiest Hen of Accrington

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

The Drummer

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

Wedding Selfie

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it'

The wedding party take selfies at a wedding

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Brownie Points

'I don't have a single appointment between 1:30 and 2. Do you want me questioning the meaning of my existence?'

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

'It will be a big wedding, I invited all 2679 of my facebook friends,'

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'Just this once sir, we need the overtime.'

'I'll be glad to discuss Pal's itchy skin in my office tomorrow morning, Mrs. Allan!'

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

"Say when."

Piñata attack

'My daughter has to get shoes for her wedding. She has two dozen pairs of white shoes but they're all the wrong shade.'

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

Caution: Bridal Crossing.

White Cliffs of Dover

"Our grey wedding dress is quite a smash with young women who have learned to say goodbye to unrealistic expectations."

End of the world insurance.

Wedding nose ring

"Ahhh... and this must be the beautiful bride tubby...Errr I mean to be."

'They must want cash. They're registered at three banks and two credit unions.'

'I use the usual tripod gait - front and back legs on one side along ith the middle leg on the other side.' 'I never thought about it. I just move lots of legs, and then I move lots of other legs.'

"I peed in the shower. . . than got attacked by the bride and her friends."

'I'm warning you, Melanie -- when you dress like that, you're just looking for trouble!'