Brevity Enthusiast Pillows

'Take this report and reduce it to an acronym.'

"He was never one to waste words."

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"You need to limit your Artist's Statement to 140 characters."

You've edited my books and speeches. I need you now to edit my Twitters.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

The Proust of Twitter

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Careful Hank, this one still has some fight in him."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

Best mates

"You're afraid of what?"

Baby with straw to eat out of bib.

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Well, I thought crankbaits made really great stocking stuffers.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

Editor. Short. Sweet.

"My husband is fishing. . ."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Can you get that down to 140 characters?"

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

How to do without

"Does it make you at all uncomfortable that we're same sex friends?"

Knight

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'That one's for being a very brave boy!'

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'I hope no one thinks this ride is a bromance.'