Brand Enthusiast Satirist Gifts

'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a profitable sneaker endorsement.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

'We've re-branded.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Water company bonus.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Thesaurus Company

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"Earth – Love the brand, hate the owners."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

News for Sale

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."