Brand Enthusiast Satirist Gifts

'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a profitable sneaker endorsement.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'We've re-branded.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Water company bonus.

Thesaurus Company

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Earth – Love the brand, hate the owners."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

'Have you any W fronts?'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.