Bragging Rights Expert T-Shirts

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

Final words on gravestones.

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

"Any ideas on how to convince the public that we're cute?"

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

A Salmon Lie

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

Creating a powerful personal brand for social networking success.

"I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters....that'll be £15,000."

"The kids? They're great! Karen got retweeted by a famous YouTuber and Timmy just hit 16K Insta followers. They start influencing so quickly, don't they?"

A general points out his ribbons which signify films he has watched.

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'I'm afraid we must move with the times, Mr Bagley.'

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

"I just discovered where the company's money is going. Since when did we start paying our employees?"

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

If this is a British car, why is it called a Hitzu?

One-upmanship.

"Guess what Darling, Nigel's telephone number is exactly the same as my salary."

Why Mr T's Information Technology Company Failed

"Your wife might be a brilliant cook, but my wife orders the world's best pizza!"

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

"Dear, what the name of that company I'm the CEO of again?"

'Quick, Henson - seal the exits, call the police and get a pathologist in here to determine the exact time he left the payroll!'

'I want a campaign that will fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people all the time.'