Bragging T-Shirts

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'She's so put together!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Whine and cheezed party."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"Botox."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

A Salmon Lie

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

"I had half a date last weekend."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

At Gossips Anonymous...

A general points out his ribbons which signify films he has watched.

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'002' - A discussion about 007.

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

"I'm incredibly happy - must be the medication speaking."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

Live water cooler.

'He looks promising!'... 'So far he hasn't made any.'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

"He leaves the Sendak lying around, but he's never actually read it."