Brag Battle Participant Pillows

'Oh yeah?! Well, my dad's credit score is better than your dad's!'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

A Salmon Lie

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

Ok, the first challenge is to throw out all the cheap crap in the swag bag we just gave you.

One-upmanship.

'I can lick any man in the house!'

Cool bulls.

"Have you been telling everyone I'm an idiot?"

"Your wife might be a brilliant cook, but my wife orders the world's best pizza!"

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

Bar bouncer resumes.

With the victim of the bar fight badly in need of blood, a quick-thinking doctor ran an IV line from the plasma screen TV.

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

Show-Off-And-Tell.

That was the first addition to my ego wall. It's my first loaded diaper."

The fact you just swam 60 lengths might have impressed me if we weren't in a hot tub.

"Gentlemen, I've decided to reduce our executive committee to three members."

“Please—outside of work I’m not your boss. I’m just Dave with the nicer car, bigger house, and three-hundred-dollar haircut.”

Proud parent of a partner at Barnow, Littman, McKenna & Huyck.

"No, I can't play piano, but I could fill that bowl with hundred dollar bills."

'They're always like this just before a predatory business deal.'

"And this is a picture of me before I became a high net worth individual."

'Oh, Doctor! Did he hurt you?'

'Joe's tired of breaking up fist fights.'

Woman winding wool on husbands outstretched arms.

I only whale for the sport of it.