Brag Masters Pillows

"No, I can't play piano, but I could fill that bowl with hundred dollar bills."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

A Salmon Lie

Cartoonist Checkups

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

One-upmanship.

"Guess what Darling, Nigel's telephone number is exactly the same as my salary."

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

"Your wife might be a brilliant cook, but my wife orders the world's best pizza!"

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

Show-Off-And-Tell.

'You win.'

'Well my anchor is bigger than your anchor!'

"It's one of those microbrews."

'I'm staying in college long enough to master bookkeeping, then fake the rest.'

That was the first addition to my ego wall. It's my first loaded diaper."

The fact you just swam 60 lengths might have impressed me if we weren't in a hot tub.

'Oh yeah?! Well, my dad's credit score is better than your dad's!'

'These represent all of the career milesones I passed on my way to the top. Each trophy was created to my exacting specifications. Each picture, with world leaders, was carefully crafted using advanced phot-editing software.'

“Please—outside of work I’m not your boss. I’m just Dave with the nicer car, bigger house, and three-hundred-dollar haircut.”

'It says, 'Like many of the greats, he was a brilliant self-publicist.'

"And this is a picture of me before I became a high net worth individual."

Woman winding wool on husbands outstretched arms.

I only whale for the sport of it.

God creates the Great Lakes

"The red tag items go on these shelves...and the blue tag items go on those shelves."

'Look out... here comes the Trumpet Voluntary.'