Bragging Enthusiast Pillows

Woman winding wool on husbands outstretched arms.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"You're afraid of what?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'I just want you to know, sir, that I have always been a big fan of your income.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A Salmon Lie

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Knight

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'You're looking well.'