Bourbon Aficionados T-Shirts

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

Baroque Peacock

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

Unemotional Support Animal

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"Scotch and water musick."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Johannes Sebastian Bach

Stormy weather

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Cheating Death.

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Diego Velasquez

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

It says they're 120 million years old, enjoyed long walks along the tar pit, and loved nibbling on rodents together. Carbon-dating.com