Bourbon Aficionados Pillows

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Baroque Peacock

Unemotional Support Animal

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Johannes Sebastian Bach

"Scotch and water musick."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

Stormy weather

Cheating Death.

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Diego Velasquez

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

Watchdog on Holiday

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."