Botanical Joke Fans Pillows

'I've decided to go straight!'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"I'll race you to the top."

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Hay fever hotline.

'I believe you want some fencing done at the bottom of your garden?'

"I think it's a Spider Plant bite."

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

Venus fly trap.

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

"What seems to be the problem?"

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

Plants and Flowers Crack Jokes.

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

"I thought you'd like it. It's an orchid. pre-neglected!"

'Sorry I'm late - I found a fermented honey tree.'

"I warned him not to go vegan."

Rejected State Flowers

Bro Miliads

"The hair growth formula didn't help Bob...so we're trying it in the garden!"

'The bad news is, it didn't grow hair. The good news is, he's being featured in 'Better Homes and Gardens'.' (Quick Gro tub next to chair.)

Belching plant

After you finish picking the poppies for opium, don't forget to save some seeds for my lemon muffins.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm a vegetarian."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

'That so turns me on.'