Booze Hound Pillows

'Born again birthdays don't count.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

We'll have Manhattans...

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

Shaken not stirred

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Punch Drunk

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Consider yourself chased."

Wine of the Day Club

Join me in a Caiprinha!

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

My first mistake.

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

Join me in a beer?

Beer/Wine/Spirits.

Australian Mobile Bar

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'. . .and now, Ladies an' Gennelmen, my next song - Thresh an 'ol Nill by the Shtream (hic!). . .'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'Remind me: are we on our way to the pub or coming home from the pub?'