Booth Banter Lover Gifts

"Can we discuss this?"

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"I'm thinkin' blond."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'Here comes Ted.'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

BEER BELLY

'What I've just has my teeth whitened,'

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'