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"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

Jack London

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Hard to follow...'

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

Plagiarism by Billy Widmore It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Four score and seven years ago, Quoted the raven nevermore...

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Book Worm

Litteratti K9s.

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

Will Self deprecation

The Farmer Sutra.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"Friday, YOU were my Secret Santa?"

"Care for an oxymoron?"

Meet The Ghostwriter

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

Larry's Literary Market.

Ian Fleming

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

The Old Man and the Noodle.

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

"I wrote it, dear...the Great American Password."