Bookish Brontë Fan Gifts

'Bront?saurus.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Do it yourself books.

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Hard to follow...'

Tree Funeral

If the Brontë sisters wrote science fiction

Plagiarism by Billy Widmore It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Four score and seven years ago, Quoted the raven nevermore...

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Book Worm

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

'Good book?'

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

Will Self deprecation

Meet The Ghostwriter

'Heathcliff! Oh, Heathcliff!'

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

Larry's Literary Market.

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

Book Publisher. Editor. It's perfect! A history of toasters as a pop-up book.

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'So...your shelf or mine?...' (a book in a bar trying a pickup line)

'Self-help books for cynics'