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Knowing your audience

First Novels.

Reading my Critics

"Now I really hate poetry."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Voltaire

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"Author does not do tricks."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

The Book Lover

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"I'm in children's books, myself."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'Shakespeare, what do you say we write a comedy?'