Boiler Whisperer Gifts

"Would you prefer me to hover over you silently or awkwardly try to make small talk?"

"Foster failure"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Nothing beats the love of a good cat.

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

Hush puppy.

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

His New Grillfriend

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Looks like a pretty quiet night out there, huh, girl?"

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Projectile hairballing."

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'Will you be wanting this?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Will eat your homework for $.