Body Positivity Ponderer Gifts

Howie learned long ago that the smaller the mirror, the better the image.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Privates Beach"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Critisize your weight.

Breast Height Chart

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Aging Problems

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

Girl's weight issues.

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

Fat fairy