Body Positive Gifts

"Carl's sixpack's turned into a keg."

'I had no idea that a 'Low-Fat' diet meant the fat would only go to the lower part of my body.'

"The guy who wants to be my boyfriend has the body of a god - buddha."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Privates Beach"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Critisize your weight.

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Breast Height Chart

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Aging Problems

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

Fat fairy

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'