Body Positivist Gifts

"Does this beer make me look fat?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Privates Beach"

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Critisize your weight.

Breast Height Chart

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Aging Problems

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Girl's weight issues.

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

Fat fairy

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."