Body Positive Person Gifts

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Privates Beach"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Aging Problems

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Girl's weight issues.

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

Fat fairy