Body Image Buff Gifts

'Those betel nuts went straight to my flanks.'

"All my plastic surgery has made me officially 80% recyclable. . ."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

wattle covers

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Aging Problems

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Too Skinny, Too Fat

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"I can't have anything that's a food."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

Me when by BDD shows up

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'You can't handle the truth.' - Scene from 'Do these pants make me look fat' starring Jack Nioholson

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

1. Wealthy people will consider hiring others to do their exercise for them. They should not give in to this temptation, as studies have shown that this seriously slows down any truly serious body-building campaign. 2. The key word in isometrics is balance. Be sure every part of your body shares in the fun equally and you will be able to avoid awkward developments.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Hey, great ab!"

'I think my dieting may be getting out of hand.'

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"