Boast Avenger Gifts

Human Cull: People who think marriage and parenthood is the only measure of success.

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"In my day I played a pretty mean cowbell."

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

"What am I up to? I'm collecting human rubbish floating on the ocean and I'll dump it in front of their parliament!"

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

'Oh that's real nice! - And what about die process?'

'Drop him again, Louie.'

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

'This should come out just right.'

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

Now this is Dr. Brainstorm, he's trying to breed a moth that will eat synthetics.

That's it. I'm killing that moth.

"As you can see, our scientists are busy working on retaliation."

Fish with a hook tells a good tale.

"Dr. Scholl encounters his arch enemy... FlatFoot."

An angry gang of Raccoons have finally found the person with their former tail and butt fur.

Man claims to be a good swimmer so lady asks him to jump in the river and fetch a flower

'Revenge will be mine.'

"I own you, homework assignment!"

Wicked E number in an ingredients

I'm self employed being self employed

'Baxter wouldn't hurt a fly. Unfortunately fleas are another matter.'

Woman bragging about her big fish, husband with small fish.

Lobster bib: lobster monster!

"Got anything to speed up her galloping hayfever?"

I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping. Is your whipped hand-sanitizer organic? Totally. There's not a thing in it that can possibly hurt you. Can you BOIL the cookie just to be sure? That'll be extra.

Dog swatting fly with ears.

"Ed has his own trophy manufacturing business."

Happy Birthday: Simply the Beast

'Ugh...I hate phone solicitors.'