Boardroom Politics Gifts

'Now that we all agree on the agenda, a show of hands on how many want to keep it hidden.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So many take-overs and mergers, nobody remembers who he was."

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

'You myst blow at least a 2.3 on the 'drunk with power' breathalizer before they'll promote you to upper management.'

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

'It's lonely at the top unless you count lawyers.'

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."