Boarding Gifts

'Now that we've boarded our first class, priority, gold priority, business class, premium and gold star passengers - is there anyone else left?'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

God's Subcontractors

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

'I like it but frankly, I had something more substantial in mind.'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.