Blue Humor Fan Gifts

Did I leave the plunger in the toilet again?

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

A Golden Non-Retriever

Beer Parasol.

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'More government surveillance!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Joe has been partying hard!'