Blind Humor Lover Gifts

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

Albert Einstein

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

Apple Pie Abduction

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

The Hammer

"You are still here."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Where Are They Now?'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

IT security.

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

That's It

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Healthy Eating Casualties

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

Safe driver.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

A Centaur Taking A Shower