Blind Humor Lover Gifts

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Apple Pie Abduction

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"You are still here."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

IT security.

Healthy Eating Casualties

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

Safe driver.

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

A Centaur Taking A Shower

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'