Black Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'How am I going to check my email now..?'

"You're late."

"That liver went to someone who doesn't have such a big yap."

"I don’t want to get married but I’ve always loved the idea of being a widow."

'I've pencilled in time for the grieving process.'

"So how's the family? Still disintegrating?"

"Hey, John! Instead of giving you a haircut, this time I thought I'd just blow your f***ing head off."

'Kept to himself. Quiet. Paid his rent on time. No trouble at all.'

"Stocks...and shared, eh?"

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Needs to get a life"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"