Black Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'How am I going to check my email now..?'

'So you see Bob, an improperly tied knot can ruin a perfectly good hangin'.'

"You're late."

"That liver went to someone who doesn't have such a big yap."

"I don’t want to get married but I’ve always loved the idea of being a widow."

'I've pencilled in time for the grieving process.'

"So how's the family? Still disintegrating?"

"Hey, John! Instead of giving you a haircut, this time I thought I'd just blow your f***ing head off."

'Kept to himself. Quiet. Paid his rent on time. No trouble at all.'

"Stocks...and shared, eh?"

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Needs to get a life"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"The Eggsorcist"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Murder in Apartment 6-K