Black Comedy Gifts

Executioner hit in stomach bythe head he has just cut off

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

End the Winter Blues

100 best beheadings

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Frankendumpty'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

Cannibal recipes.

"I may have waffled, but I never lip-synched."

"It just don't feel right, drinking him like that."

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

"So where do you see this relationship going?"

Special Place in Hell...

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

Wanted, someone to kill hunter. A volunteer is often the last one you'd ever want to give the job to.

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

"No, we're not going to reanimate. We're going to sell them to medical schools."