Bizarre Foodies Gifts

Intolerant Chef

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'When I found iout you are what you eat, well, I'm nuts!'

If the fruit isn't genetically modified, explain the fruit fly.

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

"Parrot Fish? Well THAT is going to repeat on me later..."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'What do you fancy? A Zargoid Fliptonian, or a Martian?'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

Shashlyk

"There's a fly in my soup."

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

"Eat your greens. . . and your pinks and yellows and blues."

'If he's good, let him have a - I'll spell it - K ... F ... C ...'

'Low fat, high fiber. We'll come back tonight for the rest of them.'

'Whoa! I guess we shouldn't have eaten those bean burritos before leaving the workshop!'

Chinese noodles.

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'Surprise us.'

"Mmm, a stinky cheese sandwich!"

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

"Mother's deviling the Easter eggs. Is that sacrilegious?"

"Oh, I don't mind! Anything that tastes like a ten ounce, medium rare, rib-eye steak."