Birthday Of A Child Gifts

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Face painting.

"He likes it."

"Feel free to take notes."

Swinging on a star.

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

The No No No's

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Oh boy! Mom made microchip cookies!"

"When did she start crawling?"

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Piano Recital

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

Downloading Pregnancy

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"He just said his first word!"

'Baby's first two-step.'

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."