Birthday Of A Child Gifts

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"He likes it."

Face painting.

"Feel free to take notes."

Swinging on a star.

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

The No No No's

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Oh boy! Mom made microchip cookies!"

"When did she start crawling?"

Piano Recital

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

Downloading Pregnancy

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'