Birthday Banter Lover Gifts

'Instead of a birthday card, Dad - Why don't you give me a credit card?'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Big Bang Theory.

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

Happy Birthday to you.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I'm here for the hair."

Doctor in a cake

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Cold caller.

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'Here comes Ted.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Sorry son, but I don't seem to be able to light the candles...'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

A Piñata has gone rogue during the celebrations at a Birthday party knocking out most of the Family members

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'