Birth Bravado Pillows

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

Joe's Bar: Your money back if you think you're man enough!

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

Maternity ward "Watch out for sudden pops!"

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'What time do we have to wake her up in the mornings?'

A New Parents Book Cover Idea.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supearvisor's uniform!'

Headless chicken: "Is that all you got?"

'I think of my 'bald-patch' as a solar panel for a sex-machine!'

'Believe me honey - YOU don't need to do the pelvic floor!!'

'I won the garlic eating competition.'

'Yes, it's great to be pregnant, but a 22-months pregnancy is too long: I want to see my baby!'

Old war hero rejects mosquito sprays at his peril

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

'Are those plugs, Carl?'

Maternity Ward: No Children Allowed

"My strength is the strength of ten because I'm fourteen."

Sue, Ted, The Twins.

'Tough guy, eh? Want to step outside?'

"So much for neighbourhood watch!"

"Ok - what makes you so sure that it's a wig??"

'So then I said to the cop...I'd like to see you try it!'

Butch bowler with a tally chart of men on his jumper