Birdseed Ponderer Gifts

'If birds reproduce by laying eggs, what's this BIRDSEED stuff all about?'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Get out of my face!"

Sun Flower.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Hello, are you an endangered species or can I eat you?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Microbiology Lab. It's worse than we thought. That antibiotic resistant bacteria is reading Nietzsche!

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

"Who's next?"

A bee and a flower are in bed.

Brain versus Religion.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?"

This could be interesting...

'My hay fever is really acting up.'

"All I'm saying, Dear, is that sometimes I get tired of vegetarian restaurants!"

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

Square root of chicken is egg.

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

The food was nice...but something was missing.

"I want to enjoy the greener grass on the other side of the fence, but the problem is that I don't know where that fence is."

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.

If a tree falls in the forest, and a mime hears it, does it make a sound?

"You're all on rations, due to the ironic rise in the cost of chicken feed."

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

'Happy Xmas!'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'